I want to be able to write. There’s only one thing likely to hold me back and that is shear incompetence. This isn’t fishing for complements, I’m just not very good. I can write stream of consciousness type introspection, nonsensical I imagine to all but me, and I can write academically, with all the hedging of statements, and the he asserted this however . . . type of evaluation. Fiction eludes me entirely, I’m utterly incapable of writing speech that’s believable as spoken. I don’t have an easy off hand manner perfect for internet articles. I have a strange vocabulary and often manner of phrasing that could seem that I’m putting it on, trying to seem more sophisticated or more educated than I am. But really it’s because I read excessively and from old eccentric books on philosophy and such, as a result I have some very anachronistic tendency’s, unfortunately I’m not attentive enough or socially aware enough to necessarily tell when I’m being weird.
I have a dream of being able to write professionally but this is partly because I am socially incompetent, and this struck me as a job where this would be less of a hindrance than it would be to most others. I realise that this is a forlorn hope though. I don’t have any experience to recommend me yet. I need to write, those few fanfics and tragic angst ridden poems on writing.com wont cut it, probably they would only hinder me, really I think they need to stay hidden in the recesses of the internet.
So what am I going to do? (I never feel quite right putting ?’s on the end of rhetorical question, their not real questions; just rhetorical devices.) For a start is this, that is to say figuring out my limitations and what realisticly I can do, and the writing of it itself.. I need practice, so that writing comes more easily to me. The problem is that when I try to find things to write about, that I could put on a blog to demonstrate my skills, I come up blank or with ideas so dull or impossible to implement that It only serves to depress and off-put me. So I will write things like this, whatever is going through my mind, and maybe some of them will be good enough to put up on the blog. Perhaps I’ll post this even and have a serial of post’s on my ill fated attempts to become a better writer, or not and that statement will serve only to remind me of my unattainable aspirations.
For now I think I will write about books and the things that I read, because if there’s one thing I do and do well it’s read. I read a lot, hopefully some of what I find striking will be interesting enough to want to be read by others.
Wish me luck and I beg your indulgences especially for this rather dull and self-interested post.